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This last week has been a tough one in the world of staying on top of things, in life and business and trying to be that ‘good enough’ mum. Its nearly half term (7 weeks is 1 week too long in my book), it was my sons 8th birthday (which was fab) and I am preparing to take some time off.
I am focused on reaching the people I want to reach, supporting those who want help and guidance and being a mum too.
So when somebody fed back to me telling me that my About Me video recording for my website, was NOT GOOD ENOUGH and the example of how not to record a video, it flattened me.
It is all about me, chatting on camera about what motivates me and what drives me to do what I do.
It was ‘my story’ who I am, my journey to this point, supporting busy mums who are totally overwhelmed, stressed out and feeling guilty. It was personal, it was heartfelt and the first time I recorded it I cried.
I was momentarily speechless by the person’s comments, there was absolutely nothing I could say (and those of you who know me know that I am rarely speechless!) I got upset.
Then I realised that it was not my version of ‘not good enough’ it was theirs. It was more than good enough in my world as I was chatting with people who want to listen to what I say, relating to my experiences of being a busy, stressed out mum who shouts and then feels guilty about it.
It wasn’t me made up, suited and booted with the clean perfect background and hair perfectly in place. It wasn’t me dressed up like that because that isn’t me. It was the me that looked at the webcam and realised that maybe the Fairy washing powder in the background might be a little too ‘real life’ and no-one really wanted to see my husband’s cycling shoes either so these were moved out of the way. Other than that, everything was who I am, where I work and the person anyone would meet if they chose to work with me, or even come round the house for a cuppa.
I am not going to pretend that my life is perfectly staged because it isn’t, I have the same challenges, moments of insanity and extreme guilt that my clients do, the lovely hard working mums I support, and that was why I recorded the video without any thought to any of the above.
And once I realised that, and received some awesome support from my coach and mentors I was able to see the wood from the trees and detach myself from this negative Nancy who could only have an opinion from where she was at.
The thing is, we live our lives as mums being worried that something that we do, for our children, with our friends or in our work life will be wrong, scared that we aren’t good enough, that we are not doing the right things, that we are disadvantaging ourselves or our children in some way and that makes us bad parents, wives, partner or colleagues.
We want acceptance and assurance from others that what we are doing is right, but sometimes even being told that doesn’t make us feel better.
That’s because if we feel overwhelmed, stressed out and knackered, all the affirmations in the world that you are an amazing mum blah blah blah won’t change the actual feeling inside.
So – to tell me that I wasn’t good enough actually turned out to be a good thing. It actually helped me to realise that I was good enough, for the people I want to work with and the life I want to have as a mum.
And also that I wasn’t going to let someone criticise my work based on their version of perfection.
I won’t be judged and I don’t and won’t judge others.
If you surround yourself with the negative Nancy’s or moaning Minnie’s you will feel not good enough, you will feel worse than when you started and you will always be striving to do something better, and better and better until you exhaust yourself.
Check out the people around you who make you feel good when you spend time with them, those that support and encourage you even if what you are doing isn’t the way they live their life or make work or parenting decisions.
It doesn’t matter, what matters is you feel confident in the decisions you make. What is important is that you don’t make a choice or decision and then spend the rest of the day beating yourself up for making the wrong choice or decision.
Because there is no wrong choice – and if we feel less stressed out then we know that as individuals or as mums.
Choose your support carefully, it makes a massive difference to you, and if you are feeling guilty or stressed then know that is a signal to look after you, if you do something for you, even something small it will help you massively cope. So for me yesterday it was a cuppa and a half hour sit in the garden with a book along with detaching myself from said person who I don’t want to be associated with any more.
And this evening I am going to spend some time with one of my friends who really lifts me up and makes me feel good, because she is good company, not because I need to be told I am good enough because the experience this week has taught me that I already am.
Enjoy half term 🙂