I’m letting go.
As a parent of two boys, one having flown the nest, and one about to, there is a lot I can say about ‘letting go’. Namely, it’s tough, requires constant navigation and a need to be self aware and reflect on your own feelings and behaviour moment by moment. Just because I have done it once, does not mean it’s seamless second time round. Both my boys are incredibly different in personality and how they navigate their journey’s.
I want to share with you below my learning from my second journey letting go as a parent, and what it really looks like.
- Stepping back with healthcare, watching my boy take himself into his hospital appointment on his own.
- Taking him to his uni offer day and watching him go into the session alone, deciding not to go to the parent session, as it’s his course, his journey.
- Having a couple of nights away and leaving him at home to manage the routines of training and his job.
- Not tracking his every move.
- Building up communication where he eventually responds to messages, and trusting that he will.
And how do I know this is working for us?
- He listened to instructions in his appointment and is managing his own health.
- He asked questions in his uni session, ones he admitted he would not have asked had he known I was there too.
- He’s learning how to manage his time, look after himself, and take responsibility, without me trying not to ask if he’s done everything and getting the predictable eye roll.
He’s stepping away while I’m letting go. Both need to happen without ceremony, without big demonstrations, just quietly allowing them to walk away from us so they can learn to focus on their own needs.
This is the best gift we can give our teens. Despite the fears, the anxieties, and the pull to stay involved, we learn to trust them, even if they make mistakes along the way.
Because if we don’t trust them through our actions, the words saying we do become meaningless. And then how do they learn to trust themselves?
We are learning together, one step at a time.