Parental Burnout, is it a thing?
The short answer to the above question is…yes it is.
It’s a term I came across recently and it really resonated with me, thinking about the parents I speak to every single day and the expectation placed on us parents to ‘get it right’.
Most importantly, the subtle, but powerful daily expectations, which are particularly prevalent at this time of year.
I am going to use a timely example to illustrate; the infamous ‘Elf on the Shelf. My boys thankfully escaped this yearly tradition due to their age. For those not in the ‘know’, it’s where an Elf magically appears in the house on the 1stDecember and then spends the next 24 Days creating havoc and mischief to entertain our children every morning. When this first started and became a ‘thing’ a few years ago, it may well be you hid the Elf in different places for the children to find and it was all a bit of light-hearted fun. But, in my humble opinion, and observations, it does not feel like that anymore.
From Elves arriving inside balloons, people spending money on various accessories and additions to create the most entertaining and fun surprises for their children, it literally feels like a bubble about to go pop with expectations of what these mythical creatures can get up to for 24 days of the year.
Of course, parental burnout is not about ‘Elf on the Shelf, it’s a demonstration about how much effort, attention and competition there is involved in meeting expectations to create a sense of happiness for our children. The social media posts which are meant to be fun and jovial hold yet again a message of one upmanship and “look at me and the amazing parent I am”. And for the children who have parents who don’t have the time, energy and money to partake in this part of modern Christmas entertainment, the guilt can sometimes feel overwhelming.
So, what should we be teaching our children about these Christmas traditions? That we have to do it because everyone else is? How does this then play out in future years? At a time when you may be scouring the internet trying to find the ultimate sheep costume for your child’s part in the Christmas nativity, gearing up for the military operation which involves Christmas parties, lunches, meetings with Santa and whatever ever else is surrounding us, is it any wonder that this cheeky elf could tip us over the edge?
I use this toy as an illustrative example of how something seemingly fun and entertaining can become a drain on our already depleted resources. If you are a parent who is the one who thrives on scattering about, and then hoovering up flour from the floor from your messy, cheeky Elf on a busy morning then I truly salute you, my intention is not to take away the enjoyment of his antics. But, for those of you who are not feeling this mischievous character, I hear you, and that’s okay.
For it’s the small, imperceptible things which can contribute to parental burnout, can lead us to not then being able to cope with the bigger things in our children’s lives……friendship challenges, mental health issues and even school refusal. If we don’t take care of our energy day to day, when we really need it, it won’t be there for us.
So, my message to you today, as the festive season approaches. You don’t have to partake in the illusion of must have traditions which can leave us overwhelmed and tired. Our children will not be negatively affected by not having an elf hanging from the ceiling when they wake up in the morning, but they will be if our efforts to do everything mean we cannot enjoy the time we have to actually connect with them. Many a time I hear from parents that they don’t want to ‘disappoint’ their children, but that disappointment will be more acute if you crash and burn from trying to do absolutely everything for everyone. Make some choices yourself about what you can manage, scale back on the ‘have to do’s and truly partake as much as you can in the ‘restful’ part of this time of year.
I am taking a little break myself over Christmas but will be back with you in 2023. Enjoy your festive season whatever it means to you and my heartiest congratulations for managing the roller-coaster that was 2022!
Love Clare x
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