Rethinking Friendships: The Impact of our Relationships on the Next Generation
With International Women’s Day approaching, I’ve been reflecting on the impact of the relationships in our lives. I don’t usually follow themes or awareness days—I tend to go with the flow of what feels important in the moment. But this one feels different.
This feels like an opportunity to talk about the power of connection. The people we surround ourselves with shape our experiences, influence our decision making, and—perhaps most importantly—set the tone for what our children learn about friendships, trust, and self-worth.
Childhood Experiences Shape Our Relationships
My relationship with other women hasn’t always been easy. From my early years in primary school to my teenage years in secondary school, I never truly felt like I fitted in. I was laughed at, ridiculed, told I was stupid, too sensitive, too emotional, embarrassing—you name it, I’ve heard it. And to be honest, those words left a lasting mark on how I connect with others.
I never realised how much our childhood experiences continue to play out in adulthood. Even mentioning the school playground can bring up strong memories of just how challenging those spaces could be. And the truth is, just because we grow up and move beyond those situations, it doesn’t mean we automatically know how to make friends, trust in friendships, or believe that people won’t let us down—just because they’re adults now.
Navigating Friendships as an Adult
As a mum of two older teenagers, I’ve been through the journey of parenting young children and have witnessed some pretty questionable behaviour from other parents along the way. Over time, I’ve realised that this stage of life is an opportunity to be intentional about the friendships I choose—connections that truly add value to my life.
I’m still cautious about who I share with, and I’ve still been hurt by the actions of others. Because when you care, when you’re kind, when you’re compassionate, you often expect the same in return—and unfortunately, that’s not always the case.
But here’s the most important lesson: we have the power to be role models for our children.
What Our Friendships Teach Our Children
This isn’t just about women—it’s about the boys and men in our lives too. The way we navigate friendships and connections has a direct impact on how our children learn to build relationships of their own.
I’ve always been sensitive to unkindness and bullying, especially when it comes to my children. But I’ve had to be mindful not to project my own childhood wounds onto them. My role as their mother is to guide them as an adult—not as the scared little girl who once felt she did not have a voice or feel heard.
So, on this International Women’s Day, I encourage you to reflect on the relationships in your life.
- Who lifts you up?
- Who drains your energy?
- Who do you feel truly safe and seen with?
We all carry past experiences—sometimes without even realising it—and they can shape how we feel in certain spaces and around certain people. But rather than judging ourselves for this, we can use it as an opportunity to make more intentional choices.
Finding Your Tribe
I still find myself in groups of women where I feel incredibly uncomfortable. Not because they’re unkind or talking about me, but simply because they’re not my tribe—and that’s okay. We don’t have to be friends with everyone. Just taking a moment to consider this, and make an actual choice about who we spend our time with can be incredibly empowering.
I often speak with teenage girls and young adults who feel pressure to fit in. They judge themselves when they don’t enjoy large social gatherings and worry that something is wrong with them. But part of this journey is about self-acceptance—recognising that the best connections are those that energise us, not those we maintain out of obligation.
Letting Go of the Friendships That No Longer Serve Us
And to be clear, I’m not talking about the people who are going through a tough time and genuinely need our support. I’m talking about the relationships that feel like a constant drain—the ones we keep because of a story we’ve told ourselves about why we have to.
So today, take a moment to celebrate the women in your life and the journeys they’re on. But also recognise that the choices you make about who you spend your time with deeply influence the friendships and connections your children will build.
The confidence they develop in themselves, their understanding of who they need in their world, and their ability to accept that not all friendships are meant to last forever—these all come from what they see in us.
Some people come into our lives for a season, and each one serves a purpose.
Who will you choose to surround yourself with?