What I’ve Learnt From My Son’s First Year at University
Letting go of your child as they step into young adulthood is no small thing, especially when you’re a highly sensitive parent. When my son finished his first year at university, I found myself reflecting deeply on what this past year has taught me.
Here are some of the lessons I’ve learnt, shared as guidance, to help you feel a little less alone.
The Day They Leave Is Harder Than You Imagine
The moment you help your young person move out and watch them walk away into the unknown is filled with emotion. You feel proud, of course, but also heartbroken. You’ve spent years guiding, nurturing, and protecting them, and now, they’re on their own.
That first goodbye isn’t just a milestone for them, it’s a shift for you, too. One that no one quite prepares you for.
The Silence Can Feel Heavy
In the weeks that follow, the quiet at home can feel almost unbearable. You walk past their room, stand in the kitchen, and suddenly feel the ache of missing them. If you’re a highly sensitive parent, those emotions can hit even harder. It’s not just their absence, it’s the overwhelming question: Who am I now, if I’m not needed in the same way?
Holding Back While Staying Close
This stage of parenting calls for a different kind of strength. You have to let them find their feet, make their own mistakes, figure out what kind of life they want to live, and how they want to stay in touch.
You may want daily updates, but part of this transition means respecting their space. It’s not easy, but it’s vital. Because if we don’t show we trust them, how will they ever learn to trust themselves?
You’re Still Needed, Just Differently
Over time, something shifts. The pain eases. You begin to feel proud of their growing independence. You don’t need to direct their every move, but you do still need to be there. To listen, to guide, to offer love without control.
There will be hard moments. But your presence doesn’t have to be loud, t just needs to be steady.
Letting Go Looks Different for Everyone
Not every young person moves out. Not every path includes university. But the emotional shift, learning to let go while staying connected, is something all parents face eventually.
Even when our children stay at home, we need to allow them to take up space, make choices, and find their way. This is how they grow. And it’s how we grow too.
You’re Not Alone
If you’re navigating this chapter, whether you’re dropping your teen off at uni, or simply stepping back so they can step forward, please know that your emotions are valid. It’s okay to grieve the shift. It’s okay to miss them.
You are still their parent.
You are still their anchor.
Even as they learn to fly.
Does this stage of parenting feel familiar? I’d love to hear how you’ve navigated your young person’s first big step into independence. Feel free to leave a comment or get in touch info@clarecogan.com, I always read your messages.