Back in the room in 2025 and a topic which is emerging as a really important one to highlight. It affects you as parents and also young people and it is becoming increasingly prevalent (although it has always been present in my humble opinion, just not as well understood or documented);
And that’s Burnout.
In my practice I see young people every day experiencing symptoms of burnout. Whether it is through a presentation of high anxiety, eating challenges, low mood and depression, overwhelm or EBSA (Emotionally Based School Avoidance) among some of the outward ‘symptoms’.
Sometimes it shows up as the young person ‘holding on’ and managing, with it taking every ounce of their determination and drive to do so, or for some it has led to a need to completely withdraw from everyday life, along with the need to rest, recuperate and recover, whilst being overwhelmed and upset about what is happening.
You may have come across burnout in relation to autism. It’s a relatively new ‘concept’ when we relate it to young people but it is starting to be better understood. When I researched and worked with young people with autism and the lesser known ADHD in the late 90’s, little did I know how it was going to expand, evolve and change over those 20 plus years.
Our understanding has evolved, as well as our appreciation for diversity when it comes to the brain, but unfortunately, our environment has not.
My first dissertation as an undergraduate was entitled ‘Where do they fit? Autistic children and service provision to support their needs’. Even then I was questioning how the needs of a variety of young people with an autism diagnosis could be met in an environment of ‘inclusivity’ in schools without us really understanding what that meant.
Subsequently, two years later, I was exploring the systemic factors relating to ADHD and how it could impact on presentation and support needs for this group, a time when ADHD was little understood and presumed to, in the large majority, impact boys (as was autism).
Obviously the literature has come a long way since then and I ensure I keep up to date with clinical studies and research which have taken on such momentum over the past few years. My drive is to help young people and their parents understand the contributory factors which add to this rise in burnout and challenges in daily life without locating the blame at their door about something they have or haven’t done.
Burnout isn’t just about recovery, it’s about understanding why a young person reached that stage in the first place, and what contributed to that point of seemingly ‘no return’. Often it has come out of the blue but can be characterised by increasingly pressured environments, especially in relation to unrelenting expectations such as exams where young people are expected to ‘perform’ in standardised tests. We understand more about the environmental factors but there is still this powerful societal conditioning which leaves parents feeling that they have to get their children back into school at any cost, and functioning outside of the home. The external judgement and others knowing what is best for your child can be crucifying at times and can lead parents feeling broken and misunderstood whilst they try to understand and support their young person.
Writing this to you today is the tip of the ‘burnout iceberg’, but starting to understand it is the key to creating space for young people to prevent them reaching this extreme stage which can take months, even years to recover from. Parents often need support to feel they are not in the wrong, by listening to their children, and to be able to say no to participating in crazy carrot and stick approaches to cajole their children to get back to everyday life, which often means school.
Believe me, young people know what is expected of them, and they judge their own selves enough for not being able to participate in everyday life in ways we perceive as ‘normal’.
Letting go of expectation is the first step, alongside creating your own narrative for understanding and advocating for your child. No-one has the right to tell you that you are ‘doing it wrong’ because you know your young person better than anyone else. They are an individual, with a uniqueness of their own, and their ‘not fitting’ is not down to them. It is down to the societal structures and expectations which filter down into our own conditioning as parents, and what we have learnt to believe is the ‘right thing to do.’
It is the hardest thing to go against the grain and can challenge every single part of you, as well as lead to challenging relationships with family, friends and other professionals, leading to you need your own support and guidance.
And that is why I am here, as a mentor for parents as well as a guide for young people. I ‘red flag’ where things might be contributing to the challenges your young person is having, using my ‘Teen Triangle.’ We can create a road map together to navigate both yours, and your young person’s experience, before it becomes insurmountable.
I’m here for you on this journey. If you want to learn more about burnout and how it can impact all young people, not just those with neurodiversity then email me clare@clarecogan.com with the subject line ‘Burnout’ and say ‘yes please’ and I will share what’s coming to help, support and guide you.
Love Clare x
Find out more about my work here www.clarecogan.com